I love to train: cycling, running, swimming, skiing… After some time practicing at the Dojo, I started to have small epiphanies during my daily life in and outside of the Dojo. Some of the things Sensei says come to mind during seemingly non martial art activities: relax, weight under side, lower your center. Prior to doing Aikido, if a problem arose, I use to clench my teeth and force my way through everything.
Recently, I started to set goals for myself. Some of them seemed easy, others very difficult. For a long time I wanted to run a marathon. However, I disliked attending public events: fearing people, doubting myself. However, I enjoy training. A lesson I learned during Aikido was that going through the motion without a purpose does not lead anywhere. So I started to sign up for short distance running races.
After a few races, I became so engrossed with the goals I had set for myself that everything and everyone was in my way: the slow runners blocking my way (there is such a thing as running and cycling etiquette: indeed reigi is everywhere).
One day, I was at the pool and I saw a talented swimmer being incredibly mean to a less able swimmer: the less apt swimmer was in the way. To my horror, I realized that the mean and rude swimmer was a reflection of myself. For a while, I decided to pull away from competing in athletic events, I felt that this was exacerbating my worst traits.
Landry Sensei places great emphasis on volunteering and community service. An opportunity presented itself and I volunteered for an athletic event I would normally compete in. “Spectating” was interesting. Physical achievements are nothing without the people who organize and volunteer just like there is no nage without uke.
Some time went by and, even though I was still pursuing training, I was stagnating. I was plagued by fear, uncertainty and discontent. Once again, I was going through the motions but I lacked purpose. Finally, I decided to sign for up a running race. I trained hard. Something odd happened: 2 weeks before the race, I suffered a minor injury to one of my legs. One of my cycling friends suggested that I downgrade to a ½ distance or at least try to use a run/walk strategy. Doubt and fear came back: a few months prior, I had been injured after misjudging myself. I was ready to quit before the race even started. Three days before race day, I made up my mind: I was going to participate. I let go of my ego and decided that even if I did not finish I would at least “step foot on the mat”: throws won’t work if you don’t believe they will.
Just like testing, a race is a celebration not of “I” but of “we”. For every step taken, one is happy and thankful to be there. I smiled, talked to other runners, waved at spectators and thanked as many volunteers as I could. They were my Uke, and for the first time in my life, I was happy to have them. Mile after mile, I was enjoying the connection I had with people.
During the run more Aikido came to my thoughts, but they were not the usual ones. Thoughts of bokken and jo practices arose: concentrate on one point. For the first time I understood some of the concept of selecting one point as your target during suburi, yet I was still able to remain aware of my surroundings, I briefly thought of jusan. Finally, half way through the aptly named “Doomsday Hill” around mile 22, I felt my energy was nearly depleted. Bokken kata # 1 popped in my head. I had never ran this far in my life. I needed something familiar to ease into. I focused my attention to my center, and started to visualize bokken kata # 1 in my head. Shortly after mile 24, in spite of a volunteer telling me there were less than 2 miles to go (he might as well have said the race had just began but I just smiled and thanked him) bokken kata # 1 wasn’t enough anymore: doubt, fear and pain were about to overwhelm me. Out of all things I started to picture bokken kata #1 backward in my head. I kept on going, still thanking and smiling the people volunteering on the course. I crossed the finish line still thinking of bokken kata # 1. On that day, I broke my personal record for the ½ marathon and finished my 1st full marathon.
This year I have done triathlons, biked and ran up mountains, ran a 25k and marathon: and yet, nothing is as challenging or as rewarding as Aikido. I don’t think that one is ever off the mat: Aikido is with us, wherever we go and can be found in whatever we do.
Linda Sanders
6th kyu
Roshinkan Dojo