Aiki Institute Of Spokane

You may have recently seen or heard of an incident where a Seattle law enforcement officer punched a 17 year old girl. The video is all over the Internet.  I am not so interested in discussing if this officer was justified or not but instead what about our society has led up to this incident happening at all.

The police are a reflection of our society.  This action takes place in one fashion or another daily in one city or another in this country.  The law enforcement officer is reacting according to the norms of our society.  We are increasingly willing to react with overwhelming violence when confronted with a problem.  This is a reaction of being in fear.  We are afraid to lose what we have or we do not have the tools to give us options when confronted.

What does this have to do with Aikido?  On a very simple level the officer if trained and proficient in Aikido would have been able to apply a simple wrist lock technique to the first young lady rather than hand fighting with her.  This would have subdued the situation quickly.  Secondly when the second girl shoved him he would have been able to either throw her to the side or control her without having to resort to punching her in the face.

On a higher level, before this episode got physical, training in Aikido and awareness would have allowed the officer to not even get into the situation that was bound to become volatile.  He put himself in a dangerous position to do what???? Hand out a ticket for jaywalking?  Could he have better de-escalated the situation?

What of the young women?  What would have brought this violent behavior toward the officer?  What about our society teaches these young women and men to behave in this way.  This violent, reactionary, disrespectful, disregard for people is instilled in us through out our lives in the media, games, competitive sports, our language, schools, business practices, and gangs.

I recently spoke with a gentleman who was inquiring about Aikido class for his son who had trained in another art for a short time.  When I mentioned that we do not teach punching and kicking as a self defense but rather how to control the situation with body movement, throws, and joint locks the father went silent.  When he regained his composure he was unable to conceive of defense without punching or kicking.  This is the society that we live in.  Again the police are a reflection of our society.

Aikido teaches us a way to live in peace and without judging others or engaging in needless, meaningless competitions that amount to pissing matches that often turn bloody, and demanding of vengeful attacks of retribution.

As disturbing as the video of this incident is to me, equally disturbing were the comments that supported the violence and encouraged the next officer to do more than throw a punch if confronted with this situation. Again the police are a reflection of the norms of our communities and of our society.

How do we change this?  Train our law enforcement officers better.  We teach Aikido both physically and philosophically to them.  We use Aikido training and peace training to encourage people to work together rather than competitively.  It will take generations to make the changes so we need to get started NOW!  We are very good at using the primitive lizard brain.  It is time to make the most of our rational thinking brain the neocortex.

In the beginning of or lives our interactions are fairly limited, as babies we only interact by crying and some facial expressions, as kids we are able to start talking but are often in the role of the learner and depend on our care takers. We have very few interactions where our roles aren’t clear.  This is our education in social normalities.  We have these structured teacher/student relationships, parent/child relationships that help us learn and know how people should treat us, how we should treat them, what our role is in the world.

In an ideal situation we learn that we should be treated in a way that promotes our dignity, self-respect and self-efficacy, we should learn to treat others in a way that allows them to grow as an individual and honours them.  We should learn that we might make sacrifices for others, like sharing our peanut-butter and jelly sandwich with our younger sibling when they drop theirs, but that this should happen in a way that is still healthy for us.  However, the real world is hardly ever ideal and this delicate relationship balance is rarely learned completely or perfectly without some real trial and error for many years, even over a lifetime.  I as a human interact with other humans and want to do this in a way that is healthy for me, I need to set boundaries as I have learned from those early interactions that are clear and show respect for myself and the other person in the relationship, clear roles.

In the beginning of Aikido the role of uke is very clear. I know nage will throw a certain throw and I know I will fall a certain fall. I know I will put my foot here and my hands there.  This is the beginning of my education in how to set boundaries in my ukemi that will keep me healthy and help my partner.  Ukemi is the art of taking the fall safely.  As uke I am called upon to accept the energy of a throw and fall in a way that keeps me safe and is relevant to the throw.

Sometimes, in ukemi I may sacrifice my spacing or put myself in the best spot for a safe throw or to help nage learn.  I am never called upon to sacrifice myself in a way that may be dangerous.  As my understanding of this role gets better I may be called upon to take ukemi when I don’t know what throw is coming. This requires me to take energy without sacrificing my center no matter what happens, in other words to set a clear boundary and not give it up.  I must compromise but not forego my safety. This is the same as growing up with those set relationships and understanding how people should treat me and how I should treat people.  I need to learn to set a clear boundary that helps us both learn good Aikido which in every form is a role model for how to treat people well.

Further into my Aikido I may be called upon to take ukemi for kashiwaza and as roles change I must be willing to adapt. I must not assume that my partner will be uke, I must not assume that I will be nage. The roles become less clear and I must rely on the things I learned early on and continually learn while taking ukemi.  I must protect the core of who I am, my center, while allowing myself to give up that which isn’t necessary to my safety. In ukemi I can’t just give up and, knowing I am going to fall, plop down on the mat as soon as nage moves.  Instead I am called to understand what I can give and what I must keep to be safe and engaged in what is happening.  I’m not helping myself or nage learn by being “easy” to throw, throwing myself, or fighting.  Instead, I need to be able to set the boundaries of this relationship based on what I’ve learned from years of taking ukemi.

In relationships that are important to us we sometimes sacrifice things because of fear.  I might be scared to dissapoint my parent, I might be scared my partner will leave me, I might be scared my friend might not like me.  From Aikido I know the key to the uke nage relationship, my pivotal relationship in external Aikido, is to set clear boundaries and to treat myself in a way that shows I and my partner are equal.  This needs to carry over into my other relationships.  I can’t be scared to fall, I have to know what I can give up and what I need to keep and set that boundary and not give it up.  Relationship ukemi is just as essential as Aikido ukemi and boundaries are how we keep ourselves and our loved ones safe on and off the mat.

Challenge yourself to treat the people in your relationships off the mat with the same respect we show on the mat. Know that they are taking relationship ukemi for you and allow them to set healthy boundaries.  Understand that as when you are the leader people will have things they aren’t willing to give up, their centers, respect that and respect them for being strong enough to know what they need.  When you are being uke in your daily life try to take ukemi with the same level or grace and integrity you use on the mat.  Don’t just give in and set your own healthy boundaries.  Always practice good Aikido which in every form is a role model for how to treat people and yourself well.

In class the other night I was instructing irimi nage.  In doing so I said to bring uke’s cheek and nage’s bicep together.  Interestingly this was interpreted as forcing uke’s head to nage’s arm.  This of course set up a struggle.  Uke fought, nage pulled harder, tensing the shoulders and stiffening the next movement of tenkan, pivot.

This is not all together unknown in our off mat lives… What he said is we need to get together on this project.  What I heard was you need to get over here and follow my direction.

How do we get together?  We must each make a move.  A drowning man can’t be saved by yelling at him to get over here.  We have to go into the water, and help him.  We must lead him, guide him, and if necessary hold him up while we make for shore.

So often we force the challenge to come to us and fight with it until it has been beaten into compliance.  Let’s give our challenge a name, Zeke.  Zeke may not take the road we wish, Zeke may make a bumpy journey, Zeke may fall down, get bruised, wet, cold, tired, and angry.  Imagine if we walked out and guided Zeke along a path, a road that we would wish to walk.  In so doing Zeke feels more relaxed and secure.  Zeke is better able to understand us, to understand our guiding, nurturing, compassionate side, to understand where we are going.  Having walked the same path we now have a friend, a ally, a shareholder, a partner, we are in concert, we have come together.

Meet you nage part way.  Go on the journey with them, hand in hand, center with center.  Show them the way.  Move together as one, then send them on their way, renewed, invigorated.

Potentials…What are all the potentials of all the good things that we listed regarding our Aikido training? In part 1 we listed some of the good things that come about because of our training in the Aikido dojo. Now it is time to take the next step in this process of PPCO; Potential. What are the potentials of our actions? Where might all this good stuff lead?

A positive that was listed is Increased Awareness. What might be all the future benefits of increasing our awareness?

• I might avoid that accident when the other driver slides through the intersection, unable to stop in the icy road conditions, thereby saving injury and money in repairs.
• I might avoid being mugged by the sketchy looking guy hiding in the entry way of that dark building, keeping me physically safe and my cash in my pocket.
• I might make a connection with a work partner that will be of benefit to my work making me a star to my boss and earning me that promotion and raise.
• I might see an opportunity to invest that will increase my wealth and lead to that vacation in Fiji.
• I might see that my relative needs my help but is unable to ask. This leading to a closer relationship with that relative and a good feeling for doing something helpful.
• I might see that my supervisor is having a challenging day and that it would not be a good time to press him on an issue, saving me from being chewed out.
• I might see that my supervisor is feeling light, happy, and powerful today, giving me the opportunity to positively present an issue to her. This leading to more interesting challenges at work.
• I might feel the pain in my stomach that may indicate that I need to cut down on my coffee intake before I end up with bigger health problems.
• I might have less conflict in my day, which will result is less stress resulting in a healthier life.
• I might get more work done.
• I might find more time to spend with my family.
• I might find more time for me.
• I might find new ways to teach that have a positive effect on my students.

Let’s look at the potential of another positive of our Aikido training; Social Network.

• I might meet people I would never have talked to if I did not meet them on the mat.
• I might learn about a new job opportunity that will increase my salary.
• I might find someone that can help me with that project that I am stalled on.
• I might learn about an author that I have never heard of but sounds like something I want to read.
• I might find support in solving a child rearing issue that will reduce my stress and help my child live a more productive life.
• I might laugh more making my day more fun in general.
• I might try a new beer opens my taste buds to different styles of brewing.
• I might find new, better ways to solve problems that leave me more energized and with more spare time.
• I might meet someone that opens a new path for my life, leading me to more fulfilling work.
• I might fall in love.
• I might find new perspectives that keep me interested, increasing my lust for life.
• I might be challenged to open my mind, which opens up all sorts of possibilities.
• I might meet someone that could help me get my message out to a larger audience, thereby, positively effecting more lives.

This is the short list of just two of the positives we listed regarding our Aikido training. Take a few minutes to add your own thoughts to these lists. Then think about why you train in Aikido. All of the positive reasons for coming to the dojo. Then list all the potentials, the benefits, the spin-offs, the opportunities, of those positive reasons.

Now you are beginning to see the true substance and power of our training. Now you begin to see how training ourselves effects the community around us. How the community of our dojo, the community of our Aikido Association, the community of Aikido Practitioners, effects the community that is our society, our civilization.

Next up…How to deal with concerns in a positive and constructive manner.

Conflict is a door

Closed and locked it is a barrier.
We are only able to beat against it until we are bruised and beaten or
The door is shattered left serving no purpose.

Open and swinging wide with the support of its hinges
A door is an invitation to explore opportunities.

Aikido is a lot of things. In that list I don’t often include the word easy. Aikido requires you to always do your personal best while simultaneously helping your partner do their personal best and doing everything in your power to keep them safe. One of the more interesting and challenging ways to do this is by leading your partner into whatever position you need them to be in.

This concept of leading means that in kokyunage and iriminage as nage I may not grab my partner’s head or neck and force it into the right position, it means I hug my partners head into my shoulder or adjust his or her head into the crook of my arm by timing my tenkan and arm movement correctly. Same goes for uke who may also be the leader, I may not ram my head into the right spot lacking patience with my partner, instead I help him or her feel the right position. This version of leading seems strange to me. In American culture we value a leader who knows what they want and takes it by any means necessary. In Aikido we value a leader who knows what is best and safest for everyone and creates a kind way of developing that situation which works best for both uke and nage through fluid movement and relaxed arms and posture.

The other tool I find particularly useful is by leading with a void. This is even stranger to me than the kindness approach described above. The best way to lead it to do nothing, or create a nothing? Often times if a throw isn’t going smoothly for me as uke I can pin point the moment my body started to resist, most often it is because there is a danger present, either I think I’m getting thrown onto someone’s knee or someone is stepping forward at the end of the throw and taking up some of the space I was intending to fall in. By having a void or vacuum in place instead of a knee I have a safe and easy place to land. The same goes for the role of nage. As nage your best throws begin by breathing in the attack and creating the first vacuum for uke and allowing them a space to breathe out. When throwing you are most successful when uke feels an emptiness they can fill by falling or rolling.

These two tools enhance my ability to lead as both uke and nage when participating in Aikido. They also create the best tools for supervising my staff and leading my client’s in stabilizing their lives. Sometimes the best way to lead a staff member or a client is by giving them a safe space to figure something out on their own. There is a common joke amongst social workers that we can stand a silence longer than anyone. When dealing with an issue someone feels passionately about it is best just to ask questions and sit quietly while they figure it out. More often than not I gain the most valuable information about my staff and clients in these void filled conversations. This information allows me to understand best what motivates them and also to anticipate what they will do in difficult situations.

Understanding someone’s motivation allows you to, in a kind way, create a situation where they are personally motivated to do the right thing, instead of me motivating them. This is invaluable because you cannot force someone to work. You can make it seem like the best option by showing the results of the work, higher pay, higher self-esteem, increased productivity, decreased stress. It makes no sense to yell at someone and then expect them to do what needs to get done when you aren’t there. It makes more sense to wait and time your corrective action to a moment when it will be best received. Instead of telling someone what they’ve done wrong stay relaxed and seek to understand what is going on.

These are just two of the tools that have helped me to be recognized as someone who can work well with a wide variety of people and lead them without seeming to dominate them or be condescending to them in anyway. This recognition has led me to become a manager in my last two jobs starting from the lowest position in the agency. I know that I myself have grown and changed a lot while taking Aikido and I like the feeling of being able to apply those changes into my everyday life, to make it better. Becoming a supervisor obviously has monetary benefits but more importantly by modeling this type of leadership I am teaching it to non-Aikidoists (if there is such a thing) and allowing them to change and grow in a way that will make their lives better.